Genealogy forces you to think about privacy and disclosure. Just as an archeologist has no control over what might be revealed by removing the next shovelful of dirt, a family historian cannot know where a line of research will lead and what will be found there. An item added to one tree may be a terrible secret unearthed and torn from another.
Let me give you an example.
I have been trying to verify the presumed connection between myself and those I grew up with as cousins. Some are first cousins, the children of my parents' brothers and sisters. Those are obvious, easy to find, and confirm. Others are more distant, or removed several times. Even others have had distance put between them and their relatives, either by choice, circumstance, or imposed by others.
Dad's father came from what is now Ivanava, Belarus. By looking in immigration records for others from there or Kolonya Yakovleva (no longer existing), Grandma Karlinsky's birthplace, a lot of leads have turned up. Plenty lead to blind alleys, brick walls, or nowhere but it is endlessly interesting. I think it has helped give a fuller picture of what their lives and community were like.
One record is a passenger manifest listing Ester Karolinsky.
Ester is a common spelling of Esther in the manifests. Karolinsky is a variant used by some parts of my family. I checked the variations: Ester, Esther, Karolinsky, Karlinsky, Karlinski and Karlin.
Naturalization petitions often have the dates, locations and ship names wrong or missing so judgment and patience are needed to decide if a passenger list and naturalization records refer to the same individual.
A fast search turned up another interesting record: Ester Karlinski. Clearly not the same person but still, born in the same place about 1897.
Her parents are both listed as she left behind a mother in Yanowo, Yente Karlinski, and was going to join her father, Herschl Karlinski at 57 Montgomery St., New York City on line 20 of the facing page, the rest of Ester's listing (link). Both parents have names with fairly standard American versions: Hershl becomes Harry and Yente, Jennie. How many women in New York City named Ester or Esther Karlin, Karlinsky, Karlinski, Karolinsky or Karolinski whose father is named Harry and mother Jennie since 1913?
Oh, and her last name would change — not only if Americanized, but when she married.
Easier to look for Harry Karlinski with wife named Yente or Jennie. Here's one:
Harry Karlinsky!
Is he the father of Ester Karolinski?
Not likely. On the passenger list it is estimated she was born in 1897. He would have been 12 years old. Maybe old enough for marriage — not my opinion but among my ancestors some were that young — but becoming a father? Would be surprising.
Looking into his life is the only way to learn if he and Yetta were the parents. If not, since I don't know if Ester was related to me, are they?
I did look farther and that's what has brought up the topic of privacy. I am not going to disclose much more about Harry and Yetta out of consideration for there descendants, whether I am one or not. Their son was, late in life, afflicted by cancer. His business burned to the ground and it was unclear if it could re-open. His wife was already in poor health. It seems hopelessness and despair moved him to kill both his wife and himself.
Cannot find obituaries for either of them; clues that this is not something their family talks freely about.
Suicide is not uncommon. I am surprised how many there are in my tree considering the taboos against it. This case of homicide-suicide is doubly tragic but even when it seems a reasonable or heroic response to circumstances, it leaves marks for generations. Whether a family chooses open acknowledgement or never talks about it, there is nothing that undoes the harm it inflicts on survivors and their households for generations.
If you are thinking of suicide, please reconsider and reject it. No matter who you are, whatever your circumstances, you will cause irreversible harm to those you love. If you are angry with them, remember that your anger will fade when your mood lightens. If they don't love you in return, or don't love you enough, just wait. They will call, or email, or in some other way reassure you that you are indeed loved. You will all be glad you are there to get that reassurance.
There are other aspects of privacy that I want to write about further but will get to that later.
Let me give you an example.
I have been trying to verify the presumed connection between myself and those I grew up with as cousins. Some are first cousins, the children of my parents' brothers and sisters. Those are obvious, easy to find, and confirm. Others are more distant, or removed several times. Even others have had distance put between them and their relatives, either by choice, circumstance, or imposed by others.
Dad's father came from what is now Ivanava, Belarus. By looking in immigration records for others from there or Kolonya Yakovleva (no longer existing), Grandma Karlinsky's birthplace, a lot of leads have turned up. Plenty lead to blind alleys, brick walls, or nowhere but it is endlessly interesting. I think it has helped give a fuller picture of what their lives and community were like.
One record is a passenger manifest listing Ester Karolinsky.
Ester is a common spelling of Esther in the manifests. Karolinsky is a variant used by some parts of my family. I checked the variations: Ester, Esther, Karolinsky, Karlinsky, Karlinski and Karlin.
Naturalization petitions often have the dates, locations and ship names wrong or missing so judgment and patience are needed to decide if a passenger list and naturalization records refer to the same individual.
A fast search turned up another interesting record: Ester Karlinski. Clearly not the same person but still, born in the same place about 1897.
Her parents are both listed as she left behind a mother in Yanowo, Yente Karlinski, and was going to join her father, Herschl Karlinski at 57 Montgomery St., New York City on line 20 of the facing page, the rest of Ester's listing (link). Both parents have names with fairly standard American versions: Hershl becomes Harry and Yente, Jennie. How many women in New York City named Ester or Esther Karlin, Karlinsky, Karlinski, Karolinsky or Karolinski whose father is named Harry and mother Jennie since 1913?
Oh, and her last name would change — not only if Americanized, but when she married.
Easier to look for Harry Karlinski with wife named Yente or Jennie. Here's one:
Harry Karlinsky!
Is he the father of Ester Karolinski?
Not likely. On the passenger list it is estimated she was born in 1897. He would have been 12 years old. Maybe old enough for marriage — not my opinion but among my ancestors some were that young — but becoming a father? Would be surprising.
Looking into his life is the only way to learn if he and Yetta were the parents. If not, since I don't know if Ester was related to me, are they?
I did look farther and that's what has brought up the topic of privacy. I am not going to disclose much more about Harry and Yetta out of consideration for there descendants, whether I am one or not. Their son was, late in life, afflicted by cancer. His business burned to the ground and it was unclear if it could re-open. His wife was already in poor health. It seems hopelessness and despair moved him to kill both his wife and himself.
Cannot find obituaries for either of them; clues that this is not something their family talks freely about.
Suicide is not uncommon. I am surprised how many there are in my tree considering the taboos against it. This case of homicide-suicide is doubly tragic but even when it seems a reasonable or heroic response to circumstances, it leaves marks for generations. Whether a family chooses open acknowledgement or never talks about it, there is nothing that undoes the harm it inflicts on survivors and their households for generations.
If you are thinking of suicide, please reconsider and reject it. No matter who you are, whatever your circumstances, you will cause irreversible harm to those you love. If you are angry with them, remember that your anger will fade when your mood lightens. If they don't love you in return, or don't love you enough, just wait. They will call, or email, or in some other way reassure you that you are indeed loved. You will all be glad you are there to get that reassurance.
There are other aspects of privacy that I want to write about further but will get to that later.
